The Internet Declares Bankruptcy; White House To Control IP Assets

From the April Fools’ Day edition of my LawLawLaw newsletter.

[Editor’s Note: This note is from the April Fools’ Day edition of my LawLawLaw newsletter. I’ve been doing April Fools’ Day jokes for a long time, and I reference many of my past parodies in this issue. Believe it or not, there are always those who think that some or all of this is real, even when I include a long disclaimer like this. Why do I do these parodies? Well, Thomas L. Bohan Winston Churchill reportedly said, “It doesn’t take all types, there just are all types.” I am the type who enjoys this sort of humor. I hope you’ll enjoy this too, and I hope that you’ll forward this on to others. So happy April Fools’ Day, and enjoy!]

In response to recent comments Alan Greenspan made about “irrational exuberance” in the stock market (http://makeashorterlink.com/?W4F925C9), The Internet today – suddenly and without warning – filed for bankruptcy. Russell Johnson, spokesperson for The Internet, announced the news at a hastily convened press conference today before markets opened. “We didn’t get enough of yo’ money,” said a despondent Johnson.

White House spokesperson Tate Witherspoon indicated that the Bush administration intends to claim rights to all of The Internet’s intellectual property assets. “You know that scene in the Jodi Foster movie ‘Contact,’ where the government takes over the SETI project by eminent domain?” said Witherspoon, “Same deal.” At his morning staff meeting, when President Bush was asked what the government intends to do with the IP assets, Bush answered, “Our strategery is to develop a synergy to recycle the bits and bytes of this high-tech cyberspace, not unlike the recycle bin on my desktop.” Bush refused to comment about whether or not he would sign the long-pending e-mail tax legislation, but he did state, “Well, we can’t misunderestimate the cost. We have to pay for this somehow.”

A written statement issued after The Internet’s morning press conference subtly suggested that global issues – not financial ones – were behind the bankruptcy filing. According to the statement, “The Internet was working just fine when dot-com meant just that, ‘.com’. Then we made the mistake of letting Canada onto the Internet, which introduced ‘.ca’ into the mix, which would have been fine if dot-ca meant California, home of Silicon Valley. Personally, we think that Matt Stone and Trey Parker had it right. We blame Canada.” US markets were understandably thoroughly confused by all of this news, and as such all major indices were higher at the opening bell.

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